Turn back before it's too late.
FINALLY, you can own your OWN, SIGNED copy of one of the BEST BOOKS EVER WRITTEN!* This is a THREE DIMENSIONAL copy, that you can read ANYWHERE IN THE THIRD DIMENSION!
That's at no extra charge to you!
Due to BEING HELD DOWN BY THE MAN, I literally cannot list all the AWARDS AND ACCOLADES that my work has received, but it's a lot. The best awards, really. I've had some of the smartest people in the world tell me what an amazing writer I am.
Now, I'm going to be honest with you here: yes, these books have been written with innocent blood and, YES, horrific sorceries are wrought within. OF COURSE they were crafted when the stars were in the proper positions, and the very fate of mankind is wrapped up in their misbegotten forms.
JUST LIKE YOU WANTED!
The small print is simple and obvious. I'm going to tell you that I'm being honest here, and also tell you that I'm trustworthy. THEREFORE, all the caveats below MUST be true!
I am not responsible for the sanity or behaviors of anyone under the age of sixty-three who reads my works. If you are seen with my book in hand and are swarmed with naked and sexy members of your preferred gender, it is YOU who will deal with those consequences. Also, the inevitable wealth which will suddenly fall into your lap is YOUR PROBLEM ALONE.
All costs are FLAT within the continental United States, and INCLUDE shipping. If you are outside this area, e-mail me at JM.Guillen@Irrationalworlds.com.
While reading my works, you will find that everyone else thinks you are very smart and sexy. THIS IS NORMAL. Companies will no longer require you to pay your bills, and you may experience some "eyeballs-melting-down-your-face-itis."
NO BIG DEAL.
As you giddily choose the signed WORK OF ART that you prefer, please note that each one carries with it A SPECIAL ENCHANTMENT THAT I THREW IN FOR FREE!
Homeless and destitute, awesome 80's rockstar legend JM Guillen wandered the western United States, ever seeking little more than the next party or the next venue in which he could rock. He was a simple big-hair 80's rockstar with humble tastes.
HE NEVER EXPECTED TO GET CAUGHT UP IN THE SATANIC WICKEDNESS OF DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS.
Soon, just like every young person in the 80's, he was KIDNAPPED by a SEX CULT that worshiped the DARK LORD BELIAL. Once his soul was completely devoted to darkness, he became the group's dungeon master, which, of course, leads to REAL MAGIC.
JUST LIKE HIS YOUTH PASTOR HAD WARNED!
Today, the once rock-god contents himself in writing stories about his adventures as a Dungeons and Dragons ADDICT, as well as hiding razor blades in candy for children.